Monday, January 27, 2003
 Who says food critics have to be evil, truculent, pasty-faced, heavy-breathing primadonnas who send wine back as another exercise for a wagging forefinger?
I discovered to my eternal delight tonight that this myth can be safely laid to rest. Food critics are funny, charming, smart, witty, and beautiful.
Well, the jury is still out about Barry Lazar’s beautifulness—the mustache alone would be a serious impediment to a more serious relationship—but I have to admit that my cold critic’s heart was somewhat melted by the experience of meeting Lesley Chesterman, the Fine Dining reviewer for the Gazette, and actually Dining Out with her.
It must be added that our jaded dining companion was Luc Devroye—he of the famed Sushi In Montreal page—so the evening looked to amount to a potential cesspool of contrary critical crankiness. I am happy to report that this was not so.
Luc is a mathematics professor at McGill, so he had all the numbers figured out before I even arrived at his palatial mansion off Sherbrooke. “Kttkttkttkttktt, how kttktt-kold is it today in Fahrenheit?” I said as he opened the door. “Dunno,” he said cheerfully, “but the sake is 17 percent!”
And indeed, Luc, as an old Japan veteran worthy of the Sushi in Montreal moniker, had stashed a bottle of premium Hakushika sake just for our pre-dinner consumption. The tumblers tumbled happily, and my forefingers regained perfusion.
It is an unforgiving five-minute walk to Tokiwa when the wind is blowing at minus-30 centigrade, so we were glad to arrive with noses unblackened.
 Lesley was not there. The key pre-Lesley conversation was: This might not be fine dining enough for Lesley. What the hell are we going to do? Me: “You suggested the list of restaurants.” Luc: “You decided which one!” Me: “I’m scared!” Luc: “Me too!” We did not clutch hands.
But then Lesley arrived, and everything was roses, except that the restaurant did not behave as we had advertised. Oh well, even restaurants have bad moods. Tonight, it was positively sullen.
There were misunderstandings. There were many periods of being ignored. There was rudeness. It was all very embarrassing, especially since we had invited Lesley along with a good recommendation.
It could have all gone to hell very quickly—imagine a pissed-off food critic wishing she hadn’t listened to the recommendations of a couple of sake-addled wannabes and had instead gone to the trendy newcomer in town—but instead Lesley turned the evening on its head. “Let’s go to Troika!”
 This turned out to be the best idea of the evening. We wrapped it up at Tokiwa and headed into the biting wind.
Troika (2171 Crescent St, 849-9333) is possibly the most astonishing restaurant in Montreal—I kid you not. To enter Troika is to leave Montreal and to submerse oneself into another world; here maybe some subset of Eastern Europe, most probably Ukraine or Russia. These people aren’t faking the Russian connection—the muted babble in the background is all a breathy mix of lyublyus and devotchkamayas.
It seems weird to round out a review of a dinner in which the main player is raw fish and end up at a place where the main player is . . . well, raw fish, but with a cushy name like Osetra.
But what raw fish! Troika is an amusement park for the senses. Please forget Montreal: you are now in Moscow, or perhaps St. Petersburg. The redvelvetsilk atmosphere is subversive and the creatures behind the bar are remote, yet pleasant, in a sly kind of way. Is it so wrong that you want to marry them?
 And there was music. Sergei and Sergei: he a guitarist and he a violinist. I have been known to be a professional musician, folks, and this violinist is one of the best I’ve ever heard. “Why don’t you audition for the Montreal Symphony?” I asked, and he said “Different music. Gypsy music.” I reminded myself to catch him and his guitarist once more before they’re kidnapped by the Bolshoi.
There was caviar, served sensuously by Marina: a circular round of bread (is there any other kind?) covered with a skein of sour cream and piled with a layer of tiny glistening spheres of black fish eggs.
But what fish eggs! “He’s eaten it all!” said Lesley, looking at my empty plate. Alas, yes, I’d eaten it all. Three times in a trice.
The food critic mourns the deaths of millions of potential osetras, swimming languidly around the Caspian Sea. I lick my lips. Do I want a martini version of Grey Goose vodka, or the shot glass version?
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
“Did you retire at 45?” was the subject line of one not-so-subtle email I received recently. It was, of course, referring to the recent lack of updates.
No, I didn’t retire, though it sounds like a good idea. The truth is, I just haven’t been doing too much dining out in the past few months. A 1.5 year-old son will do that to you; check it out sometime. Add to that that Barry has also been heavily involved with projects nothing to do with food and you get the sum = no updates.
But you might want to pick up a copy of Cheap Thrills: Meals for under $15, by Vehicule Press. Both Barry and I contributed. (I did Trattoria La Rondine—dunno which Barry did.)
That does not mean, however, that I have not eaten anything. The purchase of a DeLonghi roto-fryer and a Hearthkit have guaranteed that my waistline has not been wasting away.
What has been happening around town? Well, there is turmoil at the Gazette in the food department. That does not include Lesley Chesterman, but basically it looks like the Casual Dining position is up for grabs again. There are rumors that the Mirror or Hour critics are in line for the job.
Speaking of critics, Ashok Chandwani, former Casual Dining critic at the Gazette (among other things) has acquired the restaurant Au Cépage. When I spoke to him last year he had mentioned that he was thinking about opening something up—now he’s done it! We wish him well. He sent me the following as a “press clipping” of sorts:
Bistro Au Cépage (212 Notre Dame W., Tel.: 845-5436) has been in business since 1980. It’s a pubby bar, bistro and restaurant with a quiet courtyard terrace in warm weather.
Ashok Chandwani, veteran Gazette journalist and food writer and reviewer, is the new owner.
Cépage has always been popular with media, shipping industry types, politicians, hip Montrealers and Americans trying to escape the tourists traps on Place Jacques Cartier.
The place has been renovated over the holidays and has a new cosmopolitan menu with dishes from around the world—everything from steak frites to curry to fish ‘n chips to risotti. We also have a new international tapas menu from $5 p.m. until closing.
Our hours will be noon to 2 a.m. on weekdays. Saturday from 5 p.m. to 2 a.m. Closed Sundays for now.
Here is the menu:
OUR SPECIALITIES
Ashok’s spicy Indian chicken curry served with basmati rice, eggplant caviar and pappadum $15
Ashok’s spicy Asian shrimp and mushroom curry served with basmati rice and krupuk $15
Steak frites $15
Coq au vin served with potatoes and seasonal vegetables $13
Fish and chips $11
Ossobuco Milanese served with pasta and seasonal vegetables $15
Medallions of pork tenderloin Viennoise served with potatoes and seasonal vegetables $15
Risotto con fungi $14
Grilled lamb chops served with potatoes and seasonal vegetables $17
Half a roasted Cornish rock hen served with potatoes and seasonal vegetables $15
Steak au poivre served with potatoes and seasonal vegetables $ 21
APPETIZERS
Soup of the day $4
French onion soup $5
Shrimp bisque $8
Seasonal antipasto $8
Fried calamari $8
Grilled polenta with vegetables and Asiago cheese $8
Mussels steamed in white wine with garlic and plum tomatoes $9
SALADS
Seasonal green salad $5
Caesar $6/ $8
Warm spinach and sauteed mushrooms with balsamic vinaigrette $7/ $9
Warm goat’s cheese, grilled vegetables and walnuts on a bed of greens with raspberry vinaigrette $10/$12
SANDWICHES
Ham and cheese $8
Grilled chicken breast with roasted red bell peppers $10
Hot roast beef dip $10
PASTA
Choice of sauces:
Tomato and basil
Cream and gorgonzola
Classic pesto
Choice of pasta:
Linguine $10
Penne $10
Ravioli $11
TAPAS FROM AROUND THE WORLD SERVED AFTER 5 P.M.
Pakoras (deepfried fritters made from a chick-pea batter):
Onion-and-hot-chili $5
Mixed vegetables $5
Chicken $6
Shrimp $8
—————
Krupak $3
Spicy olives $4
Mixed olives $4
Samosas $4
Soup of the day $4
French onion soup $5
Potato cutlets $5
Dates with bacon $5
Marinated mushrooms $5
Leek and bacon tartlets $6
Cod croquettes $6
Tortilla Espagnol $6
Wild boar salami $6
Quessedillas $6
Chicken satay $6
Shrimp satay $7
Spicy chicken wings $7
Cheese plate $7
Fried smelts $7
Shrimp bisque $8
Fried calamari $8
Seasonal antipasto $8
Grilled polenta with vegetables and Asiago cheese $8
Mussels steamed in white wine with garlic and plum tomatoes $9
Smoked salmon $9
Whew! That's quite a spread. We'll see you there!
Atwater Market almost burned down in December. That would have been a definite bummer. It was weird to see Réné, the co-owner of Les Douceurs du Marché, on the six o’clock news. But it all turned out all right and everybody’s back in business. The poissonerie had to relabel all its fish, though: smoked salmon, smoked shrimp, smoked lobster, smoked sushi . . .
Any readers who live in NY would be very welcome to trot down to The Old Homestead Steakhouse in Manhattan and do a review of the $41 burger. Inquiring minds want to know.
Speaking of burgers, while in California this holiday I made a valiant attempt to visit one of the outlets of In-n-Out Burger, home of “Animal-style”—but due to a nasty case of rotavirus and a trip to the ER (for the baby, not me!) it was not to be. Alas.
The smoking poll has been most illuminating. A full 61% of respondents said “No smoking at all.” However, an alarming 24%—probably the percentage of smokers in Quebec—said “The way things are is fine." Scarrreee. Hopefully in the next few years the price of tabacky will go up to $120/pack and you’ll all have to be rich to smoke. This from a former 3 pack-a-dayer.
In December, those nice folk at Eat magazine in Japan who came over last summer and whisked Barry and I around Montreal finally put out their glossy pullout on Montreal. This site got a nice fat plug as the “finest website devoted to eating and drinking in Montreal.” Thanks, François! See the story here.
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